I’ve seen a lot of people on social media and out in public talking about the end of 2019 and what a crazy year and decade it has been for them. Until yesterday afternoon, I hadn’t really thought about it. I’m kind of a live in the moment and look to the future kind of a girl, rather than one who constantly looks back, but when I sat down and thought about it, I realized that this has been a decade full of a lot of change for me, both good and bad.
When 2010 rolled around, I was 19 years old, and as we enter 2020 tomorrow, I’m 29 and it’s genuinely incredible how much has changed in 10 years.
I originally went to college to be a physical therapist. At the end of 2009, I had my third and final surgery on my left knee. It seemed like a never ending cycle and I decided I didn’t want my personal and professional life to be the same. After a couple of years, I decided that wasn’t the course I wanted to take, so I took some time to re-evaluate things.
In the summer of 2010, I went to England with my parents and siblings to visit some of our friends and family. After we first moved over to Portland in 2000, we’d go back every year, then every other year, so we could see and catch up with the important people in our lives. After that trip in 2010, it wasn’t until I took a quick Europe trip in October 2017 with my best friend, Mary, that I went back. In one week we bounced around Copenhagen, Paris, and London, not really spending enough time in any of them, but enough time to know that I definitely want to go back. Especially to Copenhagen, I loved it there more than I could have imagined.
After Mary came back to Portland, I spent a week visiting a few friends and family located in various parts of England. A couple of days with a friend I hadn’t seen since 2002, some time with my mum’s sister and her family, and a couple of days with a friend I’ve literally know my whole life. I’ll save you all the dramatic story of my journey back to Portland, but it was definitely unnecessarily eventful and it was all my fault.
7 1/2 of the last 10 years have been defined by chronic pain in my right knee. I probably shouldn’t allow chronic pain to define the better part of ten years, but it is what it is. Let’s break those 7 1/2 years down, shall we?
In July 2012, I stepped in a hole in my backyard. Yes, I am a total klutz and probably shouldn’t be allowed to move around without be wrapping in a substantial amount of bubble wrap. When I stepped in that hole, my leg locked. Funnily enough, I didn’t actually feel any pain until about an hour later. A few days later it wasn’t any better, I went to my PCP’s office, who said I’d probably sprained it and just needed to rest it. It wasn’t any better a few weeks later so I went back and they took an x-ray and referred me to physical therapy. The x-ray didn’t show anything, but my physical therapist thought I’d torn a ligament, so I was sent to an orthopedist. Long story short, I had my first surgery on my right knee to repair a torn MCL in January 2013.
After a lot of work, that orthopedist couldn’t figure out what was wrong, so I went back to the original orthopedist I had for my left knee. He did the final two operations on that knee and has known me since I was 16, so I was comfortable going to him for a second opinion. Well, since I went back to him towards the end of 2013, I’ve had four more surgeries on this super screwed up right knee. At this point, I can’t even remember what was done in each surgery, but the pattern looks like this, according to my surgical notes:
- January 7, 2014: knee arthroscopy, diagnostic, remove skin foreign body, simple. Lateral retinacular release.
- December 16, 2014 (not a misprint, I really didn’t make it a year before another surgery): knee arthroscopy, surgery. Lateral retinacular repair.
- February 9, 2016: Remove knee lesion
- November 20, 2018: knee arthrotomy; remove foreign body
In the time between my 4th and 5th surgeries, I’ve also had every injection possible. A few cortisone shots, 7-9 prolotherapy injections, amniofix (very painful, very expensive), and PRP (also very painful and very expensive; I wanted to kick my doctor in the face).
For whatever reason, my knee just doesn’t want to get better, no matter what I do. I guess there’s some strange spot on an MRI I had in April, but no one knows what it is, and they don’t seem too concerned about it at the moment. But I’m in a LOT of pain, I’m tired of being the mystery patient, and I just want answers. I’ve missed out on a huge chunk of my 20s, just because I made the mistake of not looking where I was going and stepping in a hole. I don’t want to say it isn’t fair, because I know a lot of people going through things harder than this, but for me, this just SUCKS. It’s demoralizing, and I have less and less hope everyday.
Anyway, onto more exciting things that have happened in the last decade.
Earlier I told you that I changed my career course. In 2013, I began a baking and pastry degree at a local culinary school. I learned a lot, had the time of my life, and started working at a pie shop a couple of months after I graduated in 2015.
That surgery I had back in 2016? I was supposed to be back at work two weeks later. The surgery changed in the operating room, I was stuck in a straight leg brace for 5 weeks with minimal weight bearing, and I never returned to that kitchen again.
After some recovery (because by now we all know that I don’t recover like a normal person), I began working at an infectious disease clinic in November 2016. I was with that clinic until June 2018, when I made the switch to internal medicine at a local residency clinic. I’m still there and I really love being part of the residency program and watching young doctors grow.
With my culinary career over due to a knee that just won’t get better, I embarked on a degree in Healthcare Administration in 2017 and finally graduated in 2019. Maybe I just really love school? Either way, I’m really happy to have completed that degree and I’m excited to see where it takes me. I love working in healthcare and I love having baking and this blog be my therapy after a long day or when I need a weekend to just stress bake.
One big thing I’ve learned over the last 10 years, is that some people are only meant to be in your life for a certain period of time. Friends, boyfriends, not all of them are meant to be in your life full-time. Some are placed there for a season or two to help you learn something about yourself, then you go your separate ways. And that’s ok. As hard as it can be to say goodbye to a friend or end a relationship, I’ve realized that I don’t actually need everyone I’ve ever met to be in my life forever. Which sounds a little cold and harsh, but really means that I only want people in my life who will put the same effort into our friendship/relationship as I am. Life’s too short to be putting effort into relationships when you get absolutely nothing in return. The good ones though? Keep them close.
Having said that, I’m super excited and proud of this little community we’ve built here on the blog and over on my instagram account. While I don’t post on here as often as I used to, this blog holds a special place in my heart and I’m so thankful for everyone who reads the posts, makes the recipes, and takes time to send me a note to let me know how things turned out. Baking is fun for me, and I do it to make other people happy. It’s crazy that it’s turned in to what it has and I’m so, so thankful.
Here’s to a new decade and a very happy 2020! I’m hoping for a year filled with travel, adventure, fun, answers, and of course, lots and lots of baking.
